You Are Not Alone

Oil on board, 8x8, black floater frame
 
 
It’s been 23 years and I’m still looking for you.
 
It’s been 23 years and I’ve lived a completely different life as a mom without a mom.
 
It’s been 23 years of me searching for ways to “find you” through the tiniest little things.
 
Hummingbirds, lady bugs, springs new flowers, songs on the radio, funny stories, and photos.
 
Greif!
 
Years of searching for parts of me that are unfinished.  
 
I’ve become a seeker. Sometimes my brain keeps asking questions, so I look for the answers.
 
Trying to understand why this was my path.
 
And on my journey, as I heal and learn to trust myself, something beautiful has unfolded over the last two decades.
 
Those empty places are still there but the edges around them have transformed into beautiful flower gardens.  Lush with greenery and color.
 
So, when I feel the loss, it’s now surrounded by beauty.  Beauty that you taught me, mom.
 
How hard it was to stick to that flower budget in May! You would always say, “We need more flowers!”
 
Well, Mom, I’m still blowing the flower budget. It’s my Christmas!
 
Spring flowers take me back in time to Ceton’s Greenhouse and the two of us looking for just the right colored impatiens to plant along the back pool fence.
 
Thank you for teaching me the importance of color and new life each spring.
 
“You are not alone.
I am here with you.
Though were far apart.
Your always in my heart”
 
 
Music reference: You Are Not Alone, Michael Jackson
Photo credit: @karl.ramsdell